Never Say Goodbye

#03: D.Gray-Man (Allen & Lenalee)
...xXx...

Looking at the waning moon, her eyes grew solemn, and tears started pooling in her eyes. It had been a month since she last saw Allen, a month of sleepless nights. Their last encounter had become a nightmare and a good dream at the same time. With the dream, she would never forget about him. No one had seen him in the past month. Home was in chaos after he left. Despite what she said to the Order, they still thought Allen had betrayed them. Thankfully, the exorcists still believed in Allen, still believed that he would never, ever break their trust.
Even before he was imprisoned, she had always worried of the future. She had no doubt that Allen knew he was being targeted by Noah. Thus, she couldn't—wouldn't believe that Allen would go to them willingly. He had said that he loved her… and everyone in their Home. Her heart ached from his absence as it reminded her of the time he lost his Innocence. It was true that everyone in her Home was her world, but Allen… he was actually the biggest part of her world. She didn't want him to go, to leave them, to leave her, but she understood his reason, as by staying, he would be executed by the Order.
She brushed away her tears as she thought about the Order. Since she was taken away from Komui-nii-san, she had never liked the Order. However, she was willing to fight for Nii-san and everyone she held dear, including Allen. Heaving a tired sigh, she closed her eyes. She felt so hopeless. They say you don't know what you have until you lose it. She knew Allen was important to her, just like everyone else, but now, she knew better. It took her losing him twice to realise he was her most important person. She loved him as a man. For that, she missed him terribly. She wished to see him again. Yet, she was afraid. If she could see him again, would she be willing to let him go again?
The wishing star might have heard her silent wish as she suddenly caught a sight of Tim. She quickly activated her Innocence and rushed to the golden golem who later guided her to the forest. Tears of happiness were forming in her eyes, but she held them and hugged Tim when the golem decided to stop. "Tim…!"
Hope filled her senses as she opened her glassy eyes and looked around. She was disappointed when she couldn't find the man she loved. Before she could ask anything, Tim moved away from her arms and flew away. Without a second thought, she followed after Tim. Her eyes slowly widened when she recognised the path. It was the path to their first Home. Could it be that Allen had been hiding there all this time? She suddenly felt so stupid for not remembering to search their previous Home.
Despite the darkness looming over the huge building, she never stopped following Tim. She had to admit that the place seemed haunted even though it was true. After all, they had experienced an incident where everyone became zombies before moving to their new Home. Her heart beat faster when she saw a light from Allen's old room. She ran past Tim, and as soon as she opened the door, she saw his back. However, her blood ran cold, and her breath caught in her throat when he turned around. It was not Allen. The dark colour of his skin was enough to tell her that he was the Noah who resided in Allen. She remained rooted to the floor even when Tim perched himself upon his shoulder.
Allen gazed at the woman before him. He wouldn't wonder why she was so shocked to see him in this appearance. During the past month, he had tried to compromise with Neah. And it turned out he and Neah became one, which was why he looked like the Noah at this moment. However, he could still change to his old appearance as an exorcist and use his Innocence. But of course, he himself was not immune to his own Innocence, and other exorcists could still hurt him with their Innocence.
He appeared like this because he loved Lenalee. Though he didn't know when his feelings started, leaving her had left a hole within his heart. He wished to see her, so he had asked Tim to watch over her from time to time. Through Tim, he found she was as miserable as he was. Of course, he knew that she had thought of him as part of her world, and she refused to lose him. Although he preferred something deeper than that, he could only be grateful that she cared about him even as a friend. Calling her here was to let her decide if she would stand by him. He wouldn't hurt her, ever, but he wanted her to know that he had changed. If she couldn't accept him, couldn't trust him still, this night would be their last meeting until the war with the Millennium Earl. A sad smile made its way to his lips. "Are you afraid of me, Lenalee?"
She looked uncertain. "A-Allen-kun?"
He glanced away as he was unable to look at her fear, especially since it was he who caused it. Closing his eyes, he changed back to his human skin and heard her gasp. Shock and surprise was written all over her face when he turned to her again. "Better?"
Allen had rendered her speechless. She was confused. One moment he looked like a Noah, and he was back to his old self the next. What was happening? Was he the same Allen she knew, the same Allen she loved? "What happened to you?"
Allen let out a sigh. "Neah and I have compromised. We are one now, and I can look like a Noah whenever I please."
As she moved to his bed and sat down, his heart skipped a beat. He wouldn't tell her how happy he was that she had chosen to approach him willingly. Maybe their friendship would remain as it was despite the changes.
They stared at each other for a moment until she broke the silence, "Why am I here?"
"Did you not miss me, Lenalee?" he muttered softly, but his voice was crystal clear to her ears.
"I…" She looked away when he changed back to his Noah appearance. "I did miss you."
His chuckle sounded hollow. "I see."
He shouldn't get his hopes up. Well, he could hardly blame her. Every normal exorcist would stay away from a Noah no matter what the circumstance was. Through his time alone, he figured out that as long as he stayed hidden, peace would settle within the Order. Of course, they still tried to search for him. Probably to pass judgment for a crime he did not commit. And as he feared, this night would be their last night together. He would have to let her go. "You can leave whenever you like, Lenalee."
Shocked, she looked up at him immediately. Though part of her was still afraid of his appearance as a Noah, she clamped the fear down. "What do you mean by that?"
His face was emotionless as he spoke, "I thought you wanted to see me, so I asked Tim to guide you here."
"Are you staying here?" She didn't know why she couldn't speak a bit louder.
He shrugged. "I don't know. The Order is still looking for me, so I can't stay in one place for long."
She couldn't help but tense up when he approached her and stopped so close yet so far away from her. The candle provided enough light for her to see his face. He watched her as she watched him. Neither spoke a word. He then walked away from her without saying anything. It took her a while to register what he had said before leaving her.
"Goodbye, Lenalee."
By the time she turned around, he was gone. Panic filled her heart as she desperately looked for him. Her vision blurred from her tears. She knew for sure Allen was not joking as he had never said goodbye to her before. He had intended to leave her forever because she was too slow, too afraid to accept him. Didn't she just admit that she loved him? Did it matter that he could change into a Noah? No. It didn't matter as Allen had said he and Neah had compromised. Just one look at his Noah appearance made her trust waver, and now she was going to face the consequence for not believing in him.
Her hour-long search was futile. He was truly gone. Her heart shattered as she cried, "Allen!"

...xXx...

Lately, all she could do was space out. Komui-nii-san had been asking her if she was alright. Though she couldn't really lie to him, he seemed to accept her lie. It had been two weeks since she last saw Allen. Her heart still ached whenever she remembered him. Their last meeting was engrained in her mind, and whenever she was alone, she would be haunted by his image, his face as a Noah. What she would give to have him back. Twice was not enough to wake her up, and she had to lose him a third time as well. How could she be so stupid?
One chance, she just needed one more chance.
It was midnight when she left for the forest before making her way to their old Home. Soon, she landed soundlessly before his door. No one knew that she had been coming here to stay the night. She was disappointed when no light came from the room. Upon entering the room, she lit the candle. After putting the light on the bedside table, she climbed into his bed. She curled up in a fetal position as she inhaled his fading scent from his pillow. This was the only thing that kept her away from nightmares. Her eyes stung, but she refused to cry here. She didn't want to stain his scent.
Allen heaved a tired sigh while making his way to his old room. For the past two weeks, he had been travelling to collect information. Luck was with him when he crossed paths with Toma. The finder was glad to meet him and willingly shared what he knew. He knew without a doubt that the kind finder would keep quiet about their meeting because Toma himself would be in trouble should he tell everyone, especially the Order, about their encounter. His friends were doing fine, but one particular female exorcist was not. According to Toma, Lenalee had been down lately. He did not know why the finder would share such information to him. Nevertheless, he was grateful to the man.
He would not dare hope that Lenalee missed him. Yet, he found more than hope when he reached his room. There was light coming from the room. With bated breath, he opened the door quietly. His heart pounded loudly in his ears as he saw her sleeping form. What was she doing here? He approached his precious person silently. She was sleeping soundlessly, but the crease on her forehead told him that she was not truly resting peacefully. Part of him wanted to touch her, but… should he indulge himself in this particular moment? Eventually, he gave in. He would suffer the consequence later. Just this once, he wanted to touch her.
When she felt a hand touch her cheek, she half wondered if she was still dreaming. She leaned into the touch. "Allen…"
His breath hitched as he stopped moving. He couldn't believe his ears. Was it truly his name that was uttered from her lips? Hope invaded his senses, but he suppressed it. He didn't want to feel disappointed again. It took every ounce of his strength to leave her one last time. He didn't know if he would be able to let her go without breaking apart for hoping the impossible.
Her gasp brought him back from his dazed state.
"No!" she shrieked when he withdrew his hand. She caught his hand. "Don't go. Don't leave me again."
His feelings for her intensified, and he couldn't find it in himself to refuse her request. He was startled when she suddenly threw herself at him. But of course, he managed to catch her without toppling onto the floor. Clinging onto him, she cried in his arms. He easily lifted her up completely and sat down on his only chair with her in his lap. Holding her close, he let her cry. He felt guilty for leaving her, but it was best for the both of them, or so he thought.
He let her go when she pulled away to look at his face. Wiping away her remaining tears, he smiled gently. "What are you doing here, Lenalee?"
While cupping her face, he caressed her cheek with his thumb. She then did something unexpected: kissing him on the lips.
He blinked. "L-Lenalee?"
She hid her red face in his chest. "I missed you, Allen."
Smiling, he leaned closer and whispered into her ears, "I missed you so much, Lenalee."
Slowly, she pulled back and gazed at him. He knew she was still afraid of his appearance as Noah, but she didn't run away. That was more than enough for him.
"Prove it," she whispered softly. She seemed to know his hesitation as she spoke again, "Prove it, Allen."
And he did. Moving his lips against hers, he traced her arms in comforting manner. Both were lost when they engaged their tongues, deepening their lip lock. Words were not needed as they already filled the emptiness within their hearts with each other's touch. As he held the back of her neck, his lips trailed down her throat while his hand roamed her body. He almost lost control when she moaned her approval. By the time they got to the bed, they were half naked. He was painfully aroused and wished nothing other than making her his, but he would not go that far with her, not yet. Reluctantly, he pulled away and collapsed beside her, willing himself to calm down. He couldn't hide his smile when she made a sound of displeasure at the back of her throat. However, she didn't insist and snuggled closer to him instead. Both remained silent even after they calmed down from their heated dance.
At that moment, she was so happy that she might have been able to smile all night long. Her first kiss was much better than what she imagined.
Unknown to her, he felt the same.
"Allen…" she murmured against his chest.
He hummed.
"Never say goodbye."
"Never say goodbye," he agreed before tightening his hold around her waist.
This night was their first of many nights together. Although the paths they followed were different, they would stand by each other's side until the very end.

The End

Thanks for reading.

Prev 1. I Promise 2. Never Say Goodbye 3. Attention 4. Plan Next